"Ultimate Spider Man" ends with a fizzle

Hey guys, I take back what I said last week about Spider-Man being good again.

This week saw the end of the Brian Michael Bendis penned Ultimate Spider-Man and it ends with the worst issue imaginable. Please look around your feet, people, for a ball that may be rolling around because Bendis just dropped it.

Okay, fanboy dramatics aside, the book was obviously phoned in because next month the two-part miniseries Ultimate Spider-Man Requiem begins which will most likely be a much better end to the Ultimate Spider Man saga. These books are practically written for trade collection and Marvel will most likely collect this final arc along with Requiem in one book, making this lackluster final issue just another chapter in a bigger graphic novel.

But still, I paid $3.99 for this piece of junk and it had absolutely no words! Not even a sound effect, the entire issue was done silently, told only in pictures. I can get behind the concept of a silent comic, but only when it's done well, and Bendis, for all of this talents, just does not pull it off with this one.

I'm gunna throw up a SPOILER ALERT for all of you kids who care about those things, but to be honest the entire "story" of the issue is told on the cover. If you see the cover, then you have already spoiled the story for yourself.

Anywho, the issue is a jumble of random scenes. Spider-Woman fights Hulk, Hulk fights helicopters, Spider-Woman looks around. Spider-Woman looks at rubble to try to find Spider-Man. Then Kitty shows up and she looks around. Then people are trapped so they rescue them. Then they look around. Then they shout around. Then they look at rubble.

Are you getting the idea?

For the entire two minutes that it took to read this issue, I was bored to tears. There was nothing interesting happening in the panels to warrent a silent comic. In fact, I think even with dialogue it would still a meandering, pointless waste of my money.

And I guess that's kind of ironic. As much as even a few months ago Ultimate Spider-Man was still a well written, fun loving breath of fresh air from the stale Peter Parker that the normal continuity's version had grown into. But now the tables are turned. Spider-Man is good again, and his younger, hipper, revamped Ultimate Spider-Man has died with a whimper.

That is of course, until Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #1 hits later this year.

Review: Spider-Man is Good Again!

Everybody loves a holiday weekend, but getting back on track can sometimes be a pain. One of the biggest drawbacks to the holidays, if you're a comic geek, is the fact that new comics get shipped a day late. I would have liked to do a comic review for you guys earlier, but was delayed by a day.

When I finally got a hold of this week's comics, I was pleasantly surprised to find not one, but two great Spider-Man comics waiting for me. Good news everyone, Spider-Man is fun again!

I go in and out of reading Spider-Man. I pick it up when it's good, I drop it when I get bored. As Amazing Spider-Man #595 featured the start of the "American Son" storyline that Marvel has been advertising all of the place, I figured I'd give it a whirl. I'm digging the whole Osborn-run Marvel Universe right now and this was the storyline that would see it spill over into the Spider-Man stories.

By the time I was done with the issue, I was pleased as punch with what I had just read. Putting Norman in charge of... well.. everything, really put a new spin on the same old dynamic between these two rivals. Wolverine makes a cameo in this issue to give Spider-Man a lesson on doing what "ain't pretty" and tells him that if he ever gets a chance to take Osborn out, he should do it. Spider-Man tangling with these dark issues makes for a fascinating read as Spider-Man realizes that Wolverine just may be right.

What really made the issue for me, however, was the redemption of Harry Osborn, which is proving to be one of the better results to spin out of the Brand New Day story-arc. Harry and Norman finally get their first confrontation with one another after Norman's promotion to head of H.A.M.M.E.R. and the shocker ending? Puts a whole new spin on the title American Son huh?

All in all, if you've been thinking of possibly getting back into Spider-Man, start with this issue and if you've been with him all along, you know what I'm talking about!

I also picked up Spider-Man: The Short Halloween because it was a one-shot story written by Saturday Night Live funnymen Bill Hader and Seth Meyers. As a writer working in the field of comics, I get a little wary about the sudden rise of celebrity writers because I start to feel like the competetion is getting a bit out of my league. However, I completely endorse this comic!

The Short Halloween takes place on, well, Halloween and follows a hilarious mix-up between a drunk guy in a Spider-Man costume and Webhead himself. And the villains? They're a D-List ragtag group called the Furious Five whose only competant member is the homocidal furball named Badger Teeth.

The humor is spot on and it really captures the fun of being an average joe who lives in New York and actually gets to meet Spider-Man. There is an entire fight sequence that the reader is unable to really get a clear view of because it's shown entirely in blurry cell phone pictures that one of the characters is trying to take. Little touches like that make the book a great read and play out almost like a Spider-Man sitcom.

I did have one or two complaints. Although Hader and Meyers are great writers, its clear that comedy scripts are their forte and that they had never worked in comics before. There were three panels in a row which contained nothing but random exterior shots because there were so many word bubbles crammed in. Rough spots like these should really have been smoothed out by the editorial department. The other thing that seemed off was the timing of the release. This was a great Halloween story and would have been an even better read in October. Why the chose to release it in May is beyond me.

With these two releases I think it's safe to say that Spider-Man is back on top of his game for now. Get it while the gettin's good!

How to Make "Spider-Man 4" Not Suck

As you may or may not know, Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire have officially signed on to do a fourth "Spider-Man" movie because apparently the people who front the money for these things never saw the dancing scene from Spider-Man 3. While there is some small shred of hope that movie will actually be good, that Raimi might be able to re-capture what made the first two so good, I wouldn't hold my breath just yet. I mean, you guys DID see the third movie, right?

I think that Raimi is going to have to be extra careful this outing if he has any intention of doing a good film. Having already blown his Venom wad and with both Osbornes now pushing up daisies, there isn't a whole lot of meat left to Spider-Man's rogue's gallery. Sure there's almost a dozen different costumed criminals he could fight, but none of them have the capacity to hold a movie by their lonesome.

So what's a Sam Raimi to do? Simple! There's a few storylines that the movies haven't explored yet that could really reinvigorate the franchise. If they did any one of these things, then we might just have good summer blockbuster coming to theaters and IMAX in 2011.

5. Spider-Man: Public Enemy

You know what scene from Spider-Man 3 just really didn't work for me? The one where the city has declared "Spider-Man Day" and webhead gets to lock lips with the policeman's daughter. Aunt May said it best in the first movie, the guy's not Superman! Spider-Man's not supposed to get no respect, you know what I mean? He's smeared in the papers, the police aren't sure to thank him or arrest him, Spider-Man works best when he's an underground legend instead of a public figure. With the events at the end of the last movie, Raimi could easily begin with Spider-Man being a wanted man for the death of Harry Osborne and spend the movie not only chasing bad guys, but being chased by the cops.

4. Bring Back Venom!

They blew it with this guy! Just blew it! Most fans would have rather there not been a Venom at all than a measly fifteen minutes with the character slapped into the final moments of the movie. So fine, they wasted Venom and killed him and Eddie Brock off to boot. Vaporized even. Well, what about the sample Peter left with Doc Connors? What if that attached itself to someone else.

Right now, Venom is a character being spotlighted in Marvel's Dark Reign story-arc as he plays the role of Spider-Man in Norman Osborne's Dark Avengers. However the person in the suit is not Eddie Brock, but Mac Gargon, who used to go around as the villain Scorpion. Why not introduce Scorpion at the start of Spider-Man 4 and turn him into Venom through the course of the film. That way the movie has just one villain, but gets to explore two sides of him.


3. Spidey vs Sinister Six

Throughout the years there have been several incarnations of the super-villain sextet called the "Sinister Six." Having Spider-Man fight six villains at once is a true testament to his strength and can provide an ultimate special-effects showdown worthy of IMAX 3-D. It's simple, just get six of the villains who couldn't hold their own movie and throw them together. Almost all of Spider-Man's rogues gallery are just a couple of mooks or hired goons in either a suit (Rhino, Vulture),has some sort of powerful weapon (Shocker, Mysterio,) or gets powers in an unfortunate accident (Electro,Hydro-man.) Their origins are never that special and they never do much but rob banks or work for smarter guys. So how about this, have them each be the leaders of crime syndicates or gangs who find a bunch of Oscorp gadgets and decide to team up to take out Spider-Man. Simple, easy and more importantly fun. Because honestly, does anyone think they'd be compelled to sit through the origin story of the Shocker when it'd be easier to just make him a criminal in a suit? Isn't that the character in a nutshell anyways?

2. Hunter and Prey: Kraven and the Lizard

If there were ever two characters that deserved to be in the same movie, it's Kraven the Hunter and the Lizard. Doc Connors has been a mainstay of the series since the first movie, so turning him into the Lizard seems like a long time coming anyways. But to be honest, I'd rather stay home than spend two hours watching Spidey chase Hulk-lite around the sewers. A Spider-Man vs Lizard story is always the same thing-- chase, chase, fight, web, transform, rinse, repeat.

Throwing the additional element of Kraven the Hunter could make for an interesting dynamic. Bring him in as some obssesed big game hunter trying to hunt down Doc Connors, but soon develops a taste for the Spider instead. You need something else to add to the tired old Jeykyl and Hyde dynamic of the Lizard that's been done a million different times and in a thousand better ways. Crazy guy with lion's mane seems like a unique enough twist.


1. Black Cat Fever

You know what I'm getting reaaaaalll tired of seeing? Kirsten Dunst in a red wig. Take a cue from the comics and send Mary Jane packing within the first five minutes. That love story is a dead horse that has officially been beaten to nothing but a sick pink pulp. Put her on a plane headed for a better life as an actress in Los Angeles and keep the emo-Peter to a minimum this time.

Instead, inject some sex appeal by introducing a new dynamic to the Webhead's love life-- the lucious Black Cat.

Now, I'm gay, but I can still admit a little T&A inject can only help this series at this point. With Black Cat, you've got a completely different take on the tired Peter Parker love storyline by giving him a mate that is his superhero equal. He doesn't have to worry about enemies coming after her because she can protect herself. Just avoid any of the same pratfalls that the horrible Catwoman fell into and you could have a decent character here-- with the possibility of a new franchise.


So there you have it. If you're Sam Raimi and you borrow one of these ideas, I'm not going to make a big stink. I'll just be glad, like everyone else in the audience, that you were able to redeem yourself.

My First Time

I'm sure that a number of comic book fans are able to recall their first foray into the medium. Many could tell you when they gave comic books a shot, or which book they first cut their teeth on. I'm sure not a lot of people can remember the reason why they got into comics; the motivation they had to explore a new medium of storytelling.

Despite all of the usual stigmas that come along with collecting comic books, I initially got into the medium in order to impress some older kids and to become socially accepted by them for doing so. That's a terrible reason to get into any hobby or interest, but luckily once inside the world of comic books, I found myself at home.

I remember the entire incident very clearly. I had been waiting for the bus with some older boys in my neighborhood who were having the typical comic book conversations that young boys will have. I wanted to throw in my own two cents but I had no clue as to what they were talking about. I knew some of the characters, but only in passing. I knew Batman and Superman by their logos, but not as Bruce Wayne or Clark Kent. However, like all young kids, being accepted by my peers, and not only that but by older, supposidly cooler boys, was a big deal.

So I lied. Since I didn't know anything about the characters or stories, I figured I'd try and impress them by saying that my dad owned a copy of "Hulk #1." It worked, but only for so long. I knew at some point I'd either have to give up on trying to look cool or actually get into comic books.

I think my choice was pretty obvious.

So during the next shopping trip to the grocery store, I convince my mother to let me go pick up a comic book at the bookstore which was in the same shopping center. I was a big reader as a kid and I'm sure my mother didn't mind giving me a measly dollar and some change to get a comic book over buying me a book that I would have just devoured in a night anyways.

My first experience as a comic book fan began at the spinner rack, not at the comic book store, and as such I had a limited amount of titles to work from. I decide to start simple and look for a hero that I had not only heard the older boys talk about, but someone I had heard of before. A cover caught my eye that featured Spider-Man sporting six-arms and carrying two burglars in his arms.

Little did I know, what I had in my hands was a "What If" title and not an actual Spider-Man book. I went through the first couple of months as a comic book fan thinking that Spider-Man actually did have six arms and that he just did a really good job of hiding them (and forgetting to use them ever.) Despite its place just outside of Marvel continuity, the book still proved to be a great crash course to the universe. Not only was Spider-Man featured, but as was the Fantastic Four, the X-Men and pretty much the entirety of Spider-Man's rogues gallery. It gave me a lot of material to work with at the bus stop.

I couldn't wait to take the book to school, to show it off to those who would be interested. I remember treating it like it was a big deal, keeping the comic not only in the plastic baggy it came in, but in the actual paper bag from the bookstore to preserve its glory. Of course, later on I'm sure it ended up on the floor of my room, its cover torn asunder and its pages bent to all hell.

From then on, that was it. I was a comic book geek. My second book would be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic based off of the animated series. I had been a fan of the cartoon, so it proved to be an easy way to get into the habit of buying comics. The third book I picked up was the first issue of "X-Men Adventure," which was the comic adaptation of the 90's animated series. At the time I had no clue, all I knew was that the X-Men were considered to be cool by anyone who liked comics and that first issues were a big deal. This led to my lifelong devotion to Charles Xavier's little school of muties, but that's a whole 'nother article onto itself.


Later on in my life, when I had finally donned the mantle of "serious comic geek," I went ahead and bought a new copy of What If #42 just to read it again. Every time I see the montage of villains at the end, or Spider-Man fighting the original X-Men, I forget the reason I initially got into comics and I remember the reason why I stayed with the medium after my first dip in the pool.