How to Make "Spider-Man 4" Not Suck

As you may or may not know, Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire have officially signed on to do a fourth "Spider-Man" movie because apparently the people who front the money for these things never saw the dancing scene from Spider-Man 3. While there is some small shred of hope that movie will actually be good, that Raimi might be able to re-capture what made the first two so good, I wouldn't hold my breath just yet. I mean, you guys DID see the third movie, right?

I think that Raimi is going to have to be extra careful this outing if he has any intention of doing a good film. Having already blown his Venom wad and with both Osbornes now pushing up daisies, there isn't a whole lot of meat left to Spider-Man's rogue's gallery. Sure there's almost a dozen different costumed criminals he could fight, but none of them have the capacity to hold a movie by their lonesome.

So what's a Sam Raimi to do? Simple! There's a few storylines that the movies haven't explored yet that could really reinvigorate the franchise. If they did any one of these things, then we might just have good summer blockbuster coming to theaters and IMAX in 2011.

5. Spider-Man: Public Enemy

You know what scene from Spider-Man 3 just really didn't work for me? The one where the city has declared "Spider-Man Day" and webhead gets to lock lips with the policeman's daughter. Aunt May said it best in the first movie, the guy's not Superman! Spider-Man's not supposed to get no respect, you know what I mean? He's smeared in the papers, the police aren't sure to thank him or arrest him, Spider-Man works best when he's an underground legend instead of a public figure. With the events at the end of the last movie, Raimi could easily begin with Spider-Man being a wanted man for the death of Harry Osborne and spend the movie not only chasing bad guys, but being chased by the cops.

4. Bring Back Venom!

They blew it with this guy! Just blew it! Most fans would have rather there not been a Venom at all than a measly fifteen minutes with the character slapped into the final moments of the movie. So fine, they wasted Venom and killed him and Eddie Brock off to boot. Vaporized even. Well, what about the sample Peter left with Doc Connors? What if that attached itself to someone else.

Right now, Venom is a character being spotlighted in Marvel's Dark Reign story-arc as he plays the role of Spider-Man in Norman Osborne's Dark Avengers. However the person in the suit is not Eddie Brock, but Mac Gargon, who used to go around as the villain Scorpion. Why not introduce Scorpion at the start of Spider-Man 4 and turn him into Venom through the course of the film. That way the movie has just one villain, but gets to explore two sides of him.


3. Spidey vs Sinister Six

Throughout the years there have been several incarnations of the super-villain sextet called the "Sinister Six." Having Spider-Man fight six villains at once is a true testament to his strength and can provide an ultimate special-effects showdown worthy of IMAX 3-D. It's simple, just get six of the villains who couldn't hold their own movie and throw them together. Almost all of Spider-Man's rogues gallery are just a couple of mooks or hired goons in either a suit (Rhino, Vulture),has some sort of powerful weapon (Shocker, Mysterio,) or gets powers in an unfortunate accident (Electro,Hydro-man.) Their origins are never that special and they never do much but rob banks or work for smarter guys. So how about this, have them each be the leaders of crime syndicates or gangs who find a bunch of Oscorp gadgets and decide to team up to take out Spider-Man. Simple, easy and more importantly fun. Because honestly, does anyone think they'd be compelled to sit through the origin story of the Shocker when it'd be easier to just make him a criminal in a suit? Isn't that the character in a nutshell anyways?

2. Hunter and Prey: Kraven and the Lizard

If there were ever two characters that deserved to be in the same movie, it's Kraven the Hunter and the Lizard. Doc Connors has been a mainstay of the series since the first movie, so turning him into the Lizard seems like a long time coming anyways. But to be honest, I'd rather stay home than spend two hours watching Spidey chase Hulk-lite around the sewers. A Spider-Man vs Lizard story is always the same thing-- chase, chase, fight, web, transform, rinse, repeat.

Throwing the additional element of Kraven the Hunter could make for an interesting dynamic. Bring him in as some obssesed big game hunter trying to hunt down Doc Connors, but soon develops a taste for the Spider instead. You need something else to add to the tired old Jeykyl and Hyde dynamic of the Lizard that's been done a million different times and in a thousand better ways. Crazy guy with lion's mane seems like a unique enough twist.


1. Black Cat Fever

You know what I'm getting reaaaaalll tired of seeing? Kirsten Dunst in a red wig. Take a cue from the comics and send Mary Jane packing within the first five minutes. That love story is a dead horse that has officially been beaten to nothing but a sick pink pulp. Put her on a plane headed for a better life as an actress in Los Angeles and keep the emo-Peter to a minimum this time.

Instead, inject some sex appeal by introducing a new dynamic to the Webhead's love life-- the lucious Black Cat.

Now, I'm gay, but I can still admit a little T&A inject can only help this series at this point. With Black Cat, you've got a completely different take on the tired Peter Parker love storyline by giving him a mate that is his superhero equal. He doesn't have to worry about enemies coming after her because she can protect herself. Just avoid any of the same pratfalls that the horrible Catwoman fell into and you could have a decent character here-- with the possibility of a new franchise.


So there you have it. If you're Sam Raimi and you borrow one of these ideas, I'm not going to make a big stink. I'll just be glad, like everyone else in the audience, that you were able to redeem yourself.